Open Adoption

If you would have asked me a year ago if I would be okay with an open adoption I would have told you there was no way.  Things have changed.  We made the decision early on that we didn't want DC to ever feel the emptiness that so many adopted people feel.  It seems that the vast majority of adopted people I have talked to admit to always feeling like something was missing.  It doesn't matter how incredible their adopted family is/was, adopted kids generally always feel a little space of emptiness.  The thought of DC growing up with that makes my heart hurt.  From the research we have done we have come to learn that adopted kids at the very least want to know their story.  They want to know where they came from, who they look like, and why they might be slightly different than the rest of the family.  Some people are happy to just know their story and maybe even see a picture of their birth parents.  Other people end up wanting more, they want to meet or sometimes even get to know their birth families.  We have also come to discover that the only relationships that really need to change are who mom and dad are, all of the other relationships can stay intact and the adopted kid can grow up with a happy and healthy life.  **Disclaimer: Of course this is only true if the birth family is healthy and if is in the best interest of all parties involved, I feel this kind of goes without saying.** 

In our situation with DC we are so blessed to have adopted him from a WONDERFUL family!  His birth mothers family is incredible and we are so blessed to have them in our lives.  (The birth father and his family aren't quite as healthy, we will save that for another day...)  We knew early on that it would be in DC's best interest to know his birth family and to have a relationship with them.  It was important for us to let go of any insecurites we might have had about him being close with his birth family, especially because this was in his best interest.  I also had to ask my family to let go of their insecurites.  We reassured our parents that they are still the grandparents and that they weren't being replaced.  But can I say it's great having grandparents that live so close! When I need a babysitter I call Grandma and Grandpa first and they are always so excited to have him.  I feel comfortable leaving him there because I know they love him and also want what's best for him.  They are happy to see him and to have a relationship with not only him but my husband and I as well.  We are lucky and blessed.

My hope is that DC will feel complete as he grows up, that he won't have the emptiness I fear he could have.  I want him to know there are soooo many people that love and care about him.  We will always be very clear with him who his parents are and I hope that he will grow up to understand every ones important roles in his life and that he will understand his.  And if at any time it seems that he is overwhelmed or if for some reason he can't handle this, then we will reevaluate and make decisions based on what is in his best interest.  But for now, he is one lucky kid because he has three sets of grandparents and lots and lots of family to love him!