One ray of sunshine through this cloud is that the family she scammed most, was placed with a baby girl! I am so happy for them and although I don't know them I've been praying for them. The other family has other children, which although it doesn't make it better, it helps to have little people to wrap your arms around and to pour all your love into.
As for the other other family, they don't exist. Yes, A.L. was scamming 3 agencies and us, but the very first agency never matched A.L. with a family. So hallelujah for that! I have reached out to the two other mothers via the agencies and I hope they can feel my love. We are in this together.
I've been asked why I announced our adoption before we had the baby. Why would you say something before it's a done deal? What if it fails? What if she changes her mind? Well, here is my honest answer. If I were pregnant I would want to tell everyone as soon as I could. I would want others to celebrate with me, plan with me, and be excited for me! Likewise if I had a miscarriage I would also want the same people to support me and lift me through it and to cry with me. With this adoption it's no different. I wanted prayers and well wishes. I also wanted my loved ones to be with me if it failed. So far and most likely it has failed completely. I have been so thankful for the love and well wishes and the prayers I have felt. I can't go through this alone. I am also not a private person and so sharing my life is just something I do and it helps me.
I am sad, so very sad. I go from able to speak to crying like a maniac. This is hard, I hate it. Although my belief in God and his plan brings me comfort it doesn't take the pain away. Even though Christ knew the end from the beginning he still mourned with those who mourned and cried with those who cried. He never said, 'All will be well so stop crying.' He may have said, 'I'm sorry you're hurting, what can I do for you? Can I cry with you?' I know time will ease this pain and I just have to be hopeful looking to the future for what God has in store for me.
One thing I haven't mentioned is that Mr.P and I have been on a waiting list to adopt and embryo for a year now. Last week they called us with 2 genetically tested embryos. It was finally our turn! But without hesitation we graciously declined those embryos because we were THAT certain that we were to adopt A.L.'s baby. The embryos were then passed to the next family on the list. I am happy for them and also hoping we get chosen again. Isn't it crazy how time works. I have to believe that there is a reason for all of this.
Keep checking for updates because when I get a chance I am going to share some of the text messages. My reason is because most of them are quite flabbergasting and unbelievable, you'd have to read them to believe them!