I haven't updated my blog
in 3 years. I've wanted to, thought about it, and it always stops there...until
today. I have so much on my mind and in
my heart that I need to let it fly before I explode. I recently started a new blog, its less
personal and for the most part will stay professional; but what I am about to
share is so very personal that I needed to be able to spew whatever is flowing
from my heart into fingers. Before I begin
I want to throw out a small HUGE disclaimer.
At the moment I am raw, so very raw, I'm hurting, I’m afraid, and I feel
so so so sad. With that being said, I
may say harsh things that I wouldn't normally say or that I might just keep to
myself. Don't be offended, if you are I
apologize and you should probably just click off my blog. This is all coming from a place of hurt and sadness,
tomorrow I may hop on here and edit this, who knows?
Now that I have kept you
in suspense long enough I will share, here goes-- As most of you who are
reading this are aware, we were contacted by my youngest son’s birth mom about
a month ago. She reached out to let us
know that she was expecting another child and wants to place her baby with us
and it’s a GIRL. We couldn't have been
more excited. Mr.P (**can't use any of
our real names**) and I were both feeling so strongly that this was a direction
that we needed to go for our family.
Actually, here, read this, it’s a blog post I wrote the day after we got
the call that I hadn’t posted yet:
I don't know if I can
hold it in any longer! I might burst, so I'm just going to say it. WE ARE ADOPTING AGAIN! Our family will be
complete in October 2016!
The other night I was lying in bed on the cusp
of sleep when I received a text message. I contemplated for a second to not
even look at it until morning, I figured it was a client or something of that
nature that could wait until morning.
Curiosity eventually took over and I looked at my phone. It was a text from my 3rd son’s birth
father. He explained that A.L., my 3rd
sons birth mother was expecting and really wanted to talk to me (and that it
isn't his baby). He just kept saying,
"CALL HER"! So again curiosity took over and I text her right then at
12:13 AM. She instantly text me back and after texting for 30 minutes she ended
up calling me. We talked for well over
an hour. She explained to me that her
situation was less than ideal and that she couldn't care for a baby at this
time in her life. She told me about how
she had called a couple of adoption agencies but couldn't ever complete the
process because things weren't sitting right.
A.L. then told me since she found out she was expecting a baby she
hasn't been able to get me and my 3rd (Brody) off of her mind. We spoke for an hour and she asked me if we
would adopt. Um YES!!!!!!!!
Our call ended with me making plans to come
see her. I will travel 5 hours south with Brody and we are going to go see
A.L. This will be the first time Brody
has seen his birth mother since he was born. I am so excited!!
So that was June
25th. Within days of that Brody and I
were in the car and drove to another state to see her. We had a wonderful visit. It was fun to watch her interact with
Brody. She would touch her belly and
tell Brody that his baby sister is in there and coming to his family. I took cute photos and videos of the
interaction. We spent that day shopping
for baby clothes, shopping for things she needed (at my pleasant expense), and
making plans for the baby. I loved reconnecting
with her. When she was pregnant with
Brody she was incarcerated for most of it and we really go to know each other
through letters and prison visits. I
developed what I thought was a deep bond with her and of course I just fell in
love her. After Brody was born and after
the money ran out we never heard from her again. (As an adoptive family we paid all of her
living expenses and medical bills. We did this from when we met her until 6
weeks post-partum.) It made me sad that we didn't hear from her ever again but
I understood. I was always open to an
open adoption with her. I wanted to
share his milestones, cute photos, and the funny things he did. Although, we had no contact, I always kept
her in my heart and on my mind, so you can imagine the excitement I felt just
to reconnect with her, with or without a new baby.
After our initial first
visit at the end of June, we made a plan to see each other again. She invited me to her next ultra sound. AHHH I was so excited to see this sweet baby,
hear her heartbeat, and to be a part of this rite of passage in
motherhood. So again, I made plans to
drive 5 hours to see her. She lives in
another state but wanted to deliver in Utah.
The plan was for me to drive to where she is, pick her up, bring her to
her appointment in Utah, and then take her back home. I didn't care if she lived across the
country, if she needed me I would be there come hell or high water.
Just this last Wednesday
July 14th, I made arrangements for Jay, who had day camp this week and needed
to stay behind and then loaded up DC and Brody and we were off! We also took two babysitters with us from our
neighborhood so that they could watch the boys while I went to pick up A.L. and
take her to the doctor.
Brody and DC were excited
to see "baby sister" and so we also made a plan for A.L. and I to
stop by the hotel at some point in the day for visit. Plus, I always love it
when any of my children can make a connection with their birth
parents/families. We also were planning
on going shopping for A.L. because she needed toiletries, food and maternity clothes. I left the hotel early in the morning and
drove to the state that she is in. I
stopped and got us breakfast and then procced to her apartment (that she has
asked us to pay for and that I was happy to pay for.) Now this is where things start to get
weird. I arrive at her apartment and
call her on the phone to let her know I was there. (I didn't want to knock on the door and wake
up her boyfriend.) She didn't answer the
phone. Weird, I had text with her that
morning already and so I knew she was awake and getting ready. So I sent her a few text messages. Finally she responds with, "trying to
hurry...and im finishing getting ready..." I responded with something along the lines
of, I don't want you to be late to your appointment and we have a drive ahead
of us to get there. After waiting
outside her house for 45 minutes, eventually knocking, and sending more texts,
she sends me a message that says something along the lines of, I am just going
to reschedule my appointment. WHAT?!?! Reschedule
our appointment? I drove all this way,
made arrangements for my kids, paid for a hotel room, and not to mention--got
super excited for this day and see the baby.
She sent me a bunch of mean messages that I had no idea where they could
have come from. She was insulting and
cruel to me. I feel they were unwarranted
because we have been nothing but kind and helpful to her. I have never once said or done anything mean
to her. I have let her take the lead
through this process and been nothing but supportive of her.
Sad and frustrated I
pulled out of her apartment complex and began to sob. What does this all
mean? Why would she do this? Why would she say these awful things to
me? What about Brody? She was going to have
a visit with him today, didn’t she want to see him? What about my boys wanting to see baby sister
in A.L.'s belly? Did she change her
mind? Is she high? What is she
hiding? So many questions! I drove back to Utah sobbing and praying and
sobbing and praying. I pleaded with the
Lord to help calm my mind and my heart.
I pleaded with him to help A.L. to be honest with me. I pleaded with him to help me keep proper
perspective. While praying I felt peace
come over me. It was the same peace I
felt when she first asked us to adopt.
Although my heart was still aching, I was still sad and confused, I felt
peace. To me that peace means that the
Lord has my back and that however this works out will be for the best. That’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes.
With no reason to stay
where we were we loaded up and headed back the 5 hours home. During the drive I received messages from
A.L. telling me how stressed out she was etc.
I just kept saying that we were here to help her with the stress and
that financially we would try to ease her stress as much as we could. I cried most of the way home. My poor babysitters had to listen to me
retell the story over and over to my friends and family who called for
updates. I was so exhausted from the
whole ordeal that I had to pull over and take a nap.
Finally, after MANY potty
breaks for the 3yr old and a nap for me, we pulled into the driveway. Just as we pulled into the driveway, my phone
rang. It was from a number I didn't know
and it was from the state that A.L. lives in.
Weird. I answered it and what I
heard on the other end of the line will forever be etched into my brain.
It was a woman who
identified herself by name and told me that she works with an adoption agency
in the state that A.L. lives in. She proceeds
to tell me that A.L. has been matched with a family in their agency who has
been financially supporting her. WHAT!?!?! It gets worse; the woman who called me also
proceeded to tell me that A.L. is scamming two other families, through two
other adoption agencies. We compared
stories and notes and holy cow--A.L. has been scamming us all. To me this is the worst kind of fraud,
playing with and preying on peoples most delicate emotions. A.L. promised this baby to FOUR families
(mine included). Four families have been
paying for, praying for, and hopeful for this baby girl. Oh and the reason she bailed on the doctor
appointment yesterday... that was because one of the social workers was onto
her and told her that she was going to meet her at the appointment so they
could talk. A.L. bailed because she
didn't want me and the social worker in the same place at the same time. A.L.'s elaborate scam was closing in on her
yesterday and that was why I got all of the texts about how stressed she
was. And that apartment that we paid
for, well that was also being paid for by another family. The list of deceit goes on and on and
on.
I hung up with the
adoption agency lady and thanked her profusely for figuring this all out and
for contacting me. And then I began to
cry like nothing I’ve ever done before.
I fell to the floor like a puddle.
I was hyperventilating, dry heaving, and screaming in intense emotional
pain. I called my neighbor, the same
neighbor that had let me take her girls with me to babysit my boys on our trip
to see A.L. I called her and barely
could speak, she knew I needed her and she came immediately. She fell to the floor with me, wrapped me in
her arms and held me while I cried. At
some point I called my husband and he came running home to be with me. My sweet neighbor called her 3 teenage girls
over who swooped in took care of my kids and cleaned my house. My bestie, Lisa, also came over and helped me
talk through this whole terrible mess. I
am thankful for wonderful friends and neighbors.
The worst part of this is
that I know three other mothers will be in a puddle of tears and anguish today as
they get the same call I got. Three
other families will be heartbroken and devastated. Truly, this isn’t fair.
Now for my rant-- How
could she do this to anyone, but especially me?
Someone that she knows, someone that she has a relationship with,
someone that adopted one of her other children.
How could she look at my sweet baby boy and tell him that a baby sister
is coming to his family. How can anyone
pull off this elaborate scheme and live with themselves? Who uses their unborn child as a pawn like
this? I didn't add that after all of this was exposed she admitted to me over
text, "This is trying to survive in a harsh tough life.." She also said she is doing what she needs to
do survive. I fear that she packing up
and relocating to another state where she can start this process all over again
with another unsuspecting family.
Although she is on the scam registry I think she will find a way to
circumvent that by finding a private family.
She *claims* that she still wants to place with us. Who knows?
I can't believe a word she says right now. She has looked me in the eye and lied to my
face. Also, I'm sure her tune will
change when she realizes that we will NOT be putting out one red cent
more. So as this story continues to
unfold I continue to cry. I still feel
the same peace in my heart knowing that the Lord is ultimately in control and
that is the only thing grounding me right now.
I will continue to update
as they updates come.
